When it rains, it pours.
Putting Cody down has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my adult life. I had no idea the depth of feeling I’d have for him just being GONE.
The pain of death is the hole left behind. The immediate vacancy of something that was. While I’m lament about my dog, this experience has opened a world of loss that I hadn’t realized was stuffed deep down.
Cody represented our former life. He was there from engagement on. His presence was woven throughout so many pieces and parts of our lives. His absence marks the stuttering of new beginnings. Death is a strange thing.
Within an hour of coming from the vets, Tobin began vomiting all over our house. He has failed to learn the number one lesson of vomit–YOU MUST THROW UP IN SOMETHING. Nope–we mopped up, washed up and cleaned up for the next 24 hours.
A 6 day trip to Phoenix for soccer had been planned for months. Cody’s death and Tobin’s lethal stomach flu changed our plans AGAIN. Instead of Caroline, Matt and I headed out, it was the 5 of us. Oh and the stomach flu decided to come WITH us.
Desta blessed both her sister and the hotel bed with special gifts all night long at hotel number 1. I was chaperoning three sweet girls for the tournament and it hit our room!
If I don’t see vomit again for a very long time, it will not be too soon.
Rearrangement of furniture is therapy. Snow days not so much!
These past two weeks have taught me a few things:
1. You can’t stop the flu.
2. Saying forever good bye sucks.
3. Plants make me happy.
4. Working in front of a window instead of next to it makes me a much more productive person.
5. Sometimes you just have to get out there and sled!
6. Your kids need to see you cry. Real emotion, real loss and real humanness is a powerful story to show your kids.
7. I LOVE warm sun and Phoenix will be on the February “must go to” list each year.
8. The little things that I make so big, really aren’t worth all the attention I give them.
9. A space heater and leg warmers are winter necessities.
10. In the midst of crazy change, my family is constant. I’m so grateful!