We are approaching the two month mark of having Desta home. In some ways the time has flown by (it tends to do that when you live in 4 hour feeding increments!). In other ways, it has slowed to a crawl.
I am adjusting to life at home. I used to enjoy tremendous amounts of freedom for me. I’d spent a few hours every morning at the gym. When I wanted to meet a friend for a mountain run, I’d just go. Matt and I would go out each week, taking hours to hang out. I slept through the night, every night. And I felt involved, connected and me.
These many weeks have been a challenge for me. I am overjoyed to have this little bundle with us but I’m wrestling with those feelings that my life is not my own right now. And I know that so quickly Desta will be sleeping through the night. We’ll be able to leave her with a babysitter, that life will become easier.
Until then though, it’s hard for me. I feel isolated at times. My running has gone to the toilet (though I’m thrilled to be able start running with Pam on Saturday mornings again…yay!) I chose this. I love it most times. I feel a need to connect to something. But struggling to figure out what that something is.
So I keep pressing on, trying to be the best mommy I can be, working to figure out how to include time for ME and what does that time look like.
I was born in Jos, Nigeria many years ago. I spent the next nineteen years living in Liberia, Kenya and Ethiopia.
We need to have a good long convo about this, sister. I’m at the same place! I so wish you lived on our street so we could talk and share the load of caring for our girls. At Christmas time, let’s be sure to do a run together … or maybe after you run, you can stop by to get me for a slow jog.
I’d love to hear more of your thoughts on this issue and process some of my own with you too.