The Gift of Time

I love gifts. I love to give gifts and I love to get gifts.  The first year of our marriage I would give Matt gifts all the time. While he liked them okay, he’s a words of appreciation kind of guy.  Thank goodness for Gary Smalley and his book, “The Five Languages of Love.”  Once we knew how we best give and receive love, we didn’t feel so frustrated.

Well, I’m gave birth to a gift giver.  Our Caroline loves gifts, giving and getting.  As the days have turned into weeks and almost now two months, I see the newness of a baby waning and an intense need for validation.  (I think this would be true if I’d given birth as well, though, in that sense the kids see the baby coming. When we adopted, it was something “Mommy and Daddy” always talked about  but wasn’t reality until we got on the plane and brought Desta home. The reality of a baby hit rather hard!)

One night Caroline and I were talking. It had been a hard day (as the days have been…lack of sleep turns anyone into a crazy monster).  I was once again apologizing for not being patient, and acknowledging my lack of understanding with her that day.  I then told her about our similar need; that we both needed gifts to feel loved.  I asked her what gifts she wanted.  THEN, I told her what gifts look like to me now.

Gifts for me now include time alone, 20 minutes of quiet, respite.  I shared with the best gift I’ve gotten in the past few weeks.  At least once a week, Matt lets me plug-in my ear plugs and I head into never land while he gets up with Little Miss throughout the night.  I wake up refreshed and ready to head out.  I told Caroline that many times gifts don’t need to be money, but rather things that we do for others.

I want our kids to see, not only hear, how we need to be loved and love others.  As I reflected on this conversation, I realized that yes, I got a gift but so did she.  Caroline was able to see a Daddy and a husband who gives sacrificially over and over again because he loves us.  And Desta, well, she has benefited too.  She’s gotten used to a Daddy at night who feeds her, changes those stinky diapers and loves her.  It’s a win/win for all!