where is my focus?

It is really easy for me to become discontent.  I forget all the good things I have in my life and focus on all the things I want, think I need or am bummed that I have deal with.

It’s funny.  Three months ago I was at the end of the wait for Desta.  I had poured my heart into the process and was anticipating a rich, memory filled, awesome adoption journey to get Desta. 

Yes, it was memory filled, a journey I will NEVER forget but I’ve quickly forgotten about all the other emotions I experienced while waiting.  On this side of the fence, I have focused on how tired I am, how my child continues to battle nap times with me (and yes, it is getting better but there are days that I am ready to ship myself off to a foreign land).  I have focused on how I seem to be failing as a mother to my other kids, focused how little time I’ve spent with them rather than how much I have done.

A friend just got their referral.  It helped me focus back to  those 26 months of waiting.  Having Desta here now is hard, some days, and easy other days.  Some days I feel like we’ve been a family of five forever and other days, well, it’s like we have a newborn in our house who is still mixed up and disoriented with this life.  (I don’t blame her.  Her entire world was taken, shaken and poured upside-down).

The emotions I am focusing on today are joy that we have a third child, a beautiful daughter.  Thankful that our family is healthy and safe.  Blessed to be surrounded by family.  Appreciative for a great running buddy and awesome trails. 

There will always be something more I want or think I need, whether it be a thing or a feeling or an experience.  BUT focusing on what I have really has helped me get rid of what I think I need.  That’s my goal for today.