It’s a strange feeling knowing that our daughter is across the world, waiting to join us. Waiting for a few more pieces of paper that say she is officially our daughter.
In all honesty, I am thankful that I have not met her yet. This process of waiting would really take the stuffing out of me if I already had held her, engaged with her and knew who she was beyond a few words and pictures. As it is, the mommy in me is sad that I cannot have any of these days with her. I’m sad that I have to wait here and allow other people to care and tend for her little body and soul. Surrendering control…hey, another familiar theme in this adoption process!
I struggle with a wild amount of feelings as I wait. Some days I’m okay to wait, to let the process happen as it’s supposed to. Other days I get nervous and excited and have that “hurry up already” feeling. Still other days I grieve that I am missing out on so much of her life, already, at just 3 months of age. There are days that I get scared about what is ahead on this road called “three children!”
I also struggle with knowing that upon our return with her, we have to create a new normal. I am beyond excited to have her with us but scared out of my mind of all the what ifs, and how’s that going to work stuff.
Creating a new normal is not easy. I remember bringing home a second baby and thinking, “this is hard!”
So as I ponder court date lurking 2 weeks away, I am a ball of emotions. I keep coming back to that wonderfully wise phrase Kari Gibson shared with Matt while we were in the middle of the formula drive. “Our daughter will not be in Ethiopia one day longer that God has ordained.” Yes, peace and calm now!