Just say no

I feel like I’ve hit my groove with mommyhood lately.  I certainly do NOT have it all figured out and I find myself apologizing to my children on a daily basis.

BUT we have a schedule now.  And my little Desta girl is becoming such a cuddler, a little lover, a very confident baby and such a joy.

But I hold my breath.  I tend to live on the pessimistic side of life.  I have this theory that when things are trucking along smoothly, the bubble will burst, something will happen.

Life is smooth right now.  Tight, hard, but good.  But ahead there might be a big bump in the road.  I’m mentally trying to prepare myself for it but when I look at my kids, see our sweet little routine, I feel like an earthquake is going to hit.

It’s hard to live in the present. At least for me.  It’s hard to soak in the daily joys, the big smile on Desta’s face when she goes with me to pick up her brother and sister from school.  The amazing taste of ricotta stuffed tomatoes after a long run.  Caroline’s “garden” of apple trees.

Instead I focus on the just muddied floors, the pile of laundry I just stacked and is now in heaps on the floor, the dog who decided today to throw up on my newly cleaned floors.

Do you ever feel like that?  Focus on negative instead of positive?  It’s a mental challenge to say no to those thoughts and yes to the good ones.