100% sure, 100% unsure: Ever been there?

Let me explain.

I know without any doubt that our daughter is waiting for us in Ethiopia.  I have never felt such a love for someone I’ve never met.  It’s a rather crazy, out of control, insane feeling actually.  I have 6 pictures of this precious little girl and I am completely and 100% in love with her.  My Mommy claws rear their ugly head when I think about her being sick, in pain or lonely.

I am excited about making her our daughter officially. I am praying and hoping that we can declare to the world on Friday that she is OURS! 

BUT, there is the other side of the coin.  I am 100% unsure of everything that is to come. 

I remember the days leading up to Tobin’s birth.  Physically I was completely done with pregnancy (8 weeks of bed rest will do that to you!).  I was ready to meet this baby boy and hold him in my arms.  But, as the contractions got closer (with preterm labor there really isn’t too much of a “due date”; it’s all about just keeping them in until they are ready to come!), I grew afraid. 

I was afraid of so many things.  Would I be able to mother two children?  How would I make it through those insane days when you are only functioning on a few hours of sleep?  Would Caroline feel displaced?  I would desperately miss just being with her, now my time would be divided.  What about Matt, would I have enough energy to listen and talk to him?  How was all this going to work?

As I’ve said in the past, I am finding out just how similar adopting and pregnancy are, minus the fact that with adoption, your child’s fate lies in the hands of other people.  Yep, other people determine if you are fit parents. Other people care and tend for this precious child.

So I’m in my pregnancy/labor about to deliver week.  And I’m questioning and praying and wondering how it will all work.  And I’m hesitant to speak too much out loud for fear that we won’t pass court and I will have somehow jinxed myself. See, crazy talk and crazy emotions!

Tobin is almost 5.  As I look back to his “delivery”, I  know that time was crazy insane.  I didn’t do so well much of the time.  BUT, we all survived and couldn’t be our family without him with us. Matt and I feel that about our daughter in Ethiopia.  Our family feels uncompleted.  There is a member of us not here. 

I am ready to release my heart and shower down all this love that has been building these many, many months (over 2 years!).  I am hopeful that God will bring her home soon and we will begin building into a family of five!

This is my prayer today.

PS  The cartoon is purely for laughs only.  Hey, I live with a five year old boy.  Need I say more?