All that junk inside

I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning and sorting here, getting ready to sell and give away a ton of stuff.  Yep, there’s that word again, Stuff.

In this process I’ve found myself holding on to other not so tangible stuff.  See, being on month two of no spending (which has gotten increasingly harder as the gray in my hair manifests itself in large clumps!) has helped me gain perspective on what I buy. It has also forced me to look inside.

And when I’ve looked, I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff I am dissatisfied with.  I see stuff like laziness when it comes to interacting with my kids.  I’d much prefer to spend an hour online, reading blogs than playing legos with my son.  I see stuff called selfishness.  I frankly don’t like be inconvenienced.  I get tired of running up and down the stairs 40 times a day to change a diaper, wipe a rear-end or put away clothes.  I see stuff called discontent.  As I mentioned earlier, my hair is going gray, it’s long and crazy.  It makes me feel self-conscious.  I want to go out and drop $120 on a new do but it’s not for this month.

I want to replace the old junk with some good stuff.  And that is hard to do.  Because it requires me to be intentional every day, all day long.  I get tired.  So tired of trying and not succeeding very well.

But I look around my house and I love seeing less stuff.  I like the empty spaces in the closet, I like seeing bills paid and stress roll off my hubby’s back because we are making it on a lot less.   And I’m hoping that I keep plowing forward with replacing the stuff of my heart and seeing changes there too.