Comments on: My baby's Mother… http://www.themonbergs.com/general/my-babys-mother/ Sat, 28 Jan 2012 16:10:30 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Rob & Candy http://www.themonbergs.com/general/my-babys-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-94 Rob & Candy Tue, 20 May 2008 12:31:00 +0000 http://themonbergs.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/my-babys-mother/#comment-94 The longer we have Igor home, the less I think about his birth parents. When they pop into my head I pray for them but other than that Igor gives me little time for reflection. <br/><br/>Honestly, I think of Igor as "our" son, it takes effort to remind myself that he is adopted. He has become grafted into our family... in a way that I could not have imagined before the adoption.<br/><br/>Thinking about his birth parents may change as Igor asks more questions about them.<br/><br/>I love what your husband wrote- "We will take in that creation and love it as our own--to the best we can and only by the grace and mercy of God"<br/>I often say that it is only by God's grace and mercy that we are Igor's parents.<br/>candy<br/>PS- I'm so glad your tooth is finally "done". I go back in July for more dental work. The longer we have Igor home, the less I think about his birth parents. When they pop into my head I pray for them but other than that Igor gives me little time for reflection.

Honestly, I think of Igor as “our” son, it takes effort to remind myself that he is adopted. He has become grafted into our family… in a way that I could not have imagined before the adoption.

Thinking about his birth parents may change as Igor asks more questions about them.

I love what your husband wrote- “We will take in that creation and love it as our own–to the best we can and only by the grace and mercy of God”
I often say that it is only by God’s grace and mercy that we are Igor’s parents.
candy
PS- I’m so glad your tooth is finally “done”. I go back in July for more dental work.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.themonbergs.com/general/my-babys-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-93 Anonymous Mon, 19 May 2008 22:05:00 +0000 http://themonbergs.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/my-babys-mother/#comment-93 HI, my friends. I think of this often. Lately I've been struck by how much of our personalities our daughter seems to have received. I marvel at the fact that God knows Dano and I so well that he brought these two precious girls to us who seem to fit our personalities so well - both complementing each other.<br/><br/>The other day, Lian quietly sat on the floor listening to Chinese classical music playing. She had such a look of peace on her face. She does not do the same for European classical music. I found myself tearing up as I wondered if her mother used to play a lot of music in her home or if she has that same look of wonder that Lian gets on her face.<br/><br/>Lian is so excited that she has a freckle on her arm just like me. She said that when adults get older they stop getting tan like her. I told her that she would always have beautiful tan skin, just like her birth mother and father. She seems okay with this answer.<br/><br/>Adoption makes you realize what a gift children truly are. I marvel at the fact that I am so blessed to have been given these precious souls to raise. True their souls are part of another's and you may find yourself surprised by how you suddenly feel so connected to a people and culture so different from your own. There is a spiritual bonding that happens in adoption, that is far deeper than any physical representation.<br/><br/>Jennifer HI, my friends. I think of this often. Lately I’ve been struck by how much of our personalities our daughter seems to have received. I marvel at the fact that God knows Dano and I so well that he brought these two precious girls to us who seem to fit our personalities so well – both complementing each other.

The other day, Lian quietly sat on the floor listening to Chinese classical music playing. She had such a look of peace on her face. She does not do the same for European classical music. I found myself tearing up as I wondered if her mother used to play a lot of music in her home or if she has that same look of wonder that Lian gets on her face.

Lian is so excited that she has a freckle on her arm just like me. She said that when adults get older they stop getting tan like her. I told her that she would always have beautiful tan skin, just like her birth mother and father. She seems okay with this answer.

Adoption makes you realize what a gift children truly are. I marvel at the fact that I am so blessed to have been given these precious souls to raise. True their souls are part of another’s and you may find yourself surprised by how you suddenly feel so connected to a people and culture so different from your own. There is a spiritual bonding that happens in adoption, that is far deeper than any physical representation.

Jennifer

]]> By: Matthew Monberg http://www.themonbergs.com/general/my-babys-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-92 Matthew Monberg Wed, 14 May 2008 10:43:00 +0000 http://themonbergs.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/my-babys-mother/#comment-92 Your questions are very specific, and I think they center around identity and belonging. To share a gift or a trait with a family member is a way of being "marked" as a member of the family, an insider. A closed adoption cuts (rips?) the ropes that tie us to a particular family, and we begin the process of binding up the frayed ends into a new community. I can't imagine adoption (as God-ordained as it is) completely overcoming that loss of identity and belonging. <br/><br/>I don't think about our daughter's birth family very much. Somewhere in my mind I wonder if the questions you've posed are mirrored by harsh and frustrating realities--Why did I get pregenant? How will I care for this child? I imagine the process for the birth mother to be fearful and upsetting. Fearful of the crushing reality of poverty and upsetting that she is powerless to have any other birth plan for her adoption. <br/><br/>When the ropes are ripped in that moment when the child is separated from the mother--the trauma goes both ways. We're not only adopting a unique and special child--but a part of another woman's (and man's) very soul. God knit our child together out of the stuff of two strangers to us. We will take in that creation and love it as our own--to the best we can and only by the grace and mercy of God. Your questions are very specific, and I think they center around identity and belonging. To share a gift or a trait with a family member is a way of being “marked” as a member of the family, an insider. A closed adoption cuts (rips?) the ropes that tie us to a particular family, and we begin the process of binding up the frayed ends into a new community. I can’t imagine adoption (as God-ordained as it is) completely overcoming that loss of identity and belonging.

I don’t think about our daughter’s birth family very much. Somewhere in my mind I wonder if the questions you’ve posed are mirrored by harsh and frustrating realities–Why did I get pregenant? How will I care for this child? I imagine the process for the birth mother to be fearful and upsetting. Fearful of the crushing reality of poverty and upsetting that she is powerless to have any other birth plan for her adoption.

When the ropes are ripped in that moment when the child is separated from the mother–the trauma goes both ways. We’re not only adopting a unique and special child–but a part of another woman’s (and man’s) very soul. God knit our child together out of the stuff of two strangers to us. We will take in that creation and love it as our own–to the best we can and only by the grace and mercy of God.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.themonbergs.com/general/my-babys-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-91 Anonymous Tue, 13 May 2008 01:55:00 +0000 http://themonbergs.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/my-babys-mother/#comment-91 Melodie, I wonder about the birth father more than the birth mother. Maybe that's because we adopted a boy? <br/>In our case we know why the birth mom chose adoption. knowing does not always make it easier, it can make it more complicated for the child later on in life.<br/><br/>We compensate in other ways. I tell our son things that I know... <br/>I know God knitted him in his birth mother's tummy. <br/>I know that God knew him before he was born. <br/>My husband tells our son that he hugs like his mom (me).<br/>My husband tells him that he has a thousand facial expressions, just like his mother (me) and so on.... Melodie, I wonder about the birth father more than the birth mother. Maybe that’s because we adopted a boy?
In our case we know why the birth mom chose adoption. knowing does not always make it easier, it can make it more complicated for the child later on in life.

We compensate in other ways. I tell our son things that I know…
I know God knitted him in his birth mother’s tummy.
I know that God knew him before he was born.
My husband tells our son that he hugs like his mom (me).
My husband tells him that he has a thousand facial expressions, just like his mother (me) and so on….

]]> By: Craig & Cindy http://www.themonbergs.com/general/my-babys-mother/comment-page-1/#comment-90 Craig & Cindy Mon, 12 May 2008 04:34:00 +0000 http://themonbergs.wordpress.com/2008/05/12/my-babys-mother/#comment-90 Yes, I think of this. My deepest regret would be if I couldn't provide baby OM with every answer. If he seeks to find out from whom he came, from whom he got his eyes and nose and whose voice he has and I can't give him that information...I suppose that terrifies me the most although I know that if I can't provide the answers they were never going to be available. But still...I pray for strength and knowledge with this if it happens that I receive little to no information.<br/><br/>Cindy Yes, I think of this. My deepest regret would be if I couldn’t provide baby OM with every answer. If he seeks to find out from whom he came, from whom he got his eyes and nose and whose voice he has and I can’t give him that information…I suppose that terrifies me the most although I know that if I can’t provide the answers they were never going to be available. But still…I pray for strength and knowledge with this if it happens that I receive little to no information.

Cindy

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