Not Yet

It’s been a good day, actually a great day. I got to run with a favorite friend in the rain. We did a 10 mile trail run and talked the whole way, soaking wet and muddy up to our ears. It was a good run.

I came home, took the world’s hottest shower and now, sitting with my cup of tea (and a son finally deciding that a nap would be a GOOD choice today) my heart feels heavy.

Caroline, our almost seven year old daughter, came home from school out of sorts yesterday. After a cup of tea (yes, I know…but it is decaf) and a brownie, we sat upstairs and listened to her Christmas musical CD. She began talking about 9/11. She shared how her teacher, Mme Noel, told them the planes hit buildings and lots of people died. Then she said something that continues to stick with me. “Mommy, God must have been really sad that day, seeing all those people die.”

Yes, I told her. He was sad but he is sad every day. Every day he sees people die.

I think that’s why my heart is heavy. I think of the little children who get cancer. That is NOT FAIR. I think of the mothers who do terrible things because they need to feed their children. My gosh, the list is absolutely endless.

I was talking to Matthew, my husband, about the fact that we are number 26 on the wait list for a baby girl. He said, “Melodie, wouldn’t it be great if we never got there.” WHAT? He continued, “Wouldn’t it be great if each of these children actually were able to live in their own families, be fed and live a good life.”

Okay, so yes, wouldn’t that be good. But we are living in this earth at this time. My tears don’t compare to the tears that our God, our Father, has when he sees all this pain, all this longing and says “Not yet.”