Still learning…

Matthew and I spent the last two days attending a Hope’s Promise adoption seminar, mandatory for families who are adopting in Colorado. I went into the two days wondering why we needed parenting classes…wasn’t is so silly that couples who already have children need to trained to have more kids, that this process of adoption is so LONG and requires so many things that biological couples don’t have to do? I resigned myself to the fact that we’d probably hear many of the same things, but maybe would meet a few families and that would make the time worthwhile.

Were my expectations exceeded? Yes, but not in all the ways I would have imagined. The infant/baby care 2 1/2 hour session was okay…the speaker humorous and entertaining but I didn’t feel really worth my time. Other sessions were good too…BUT the session on RAD (Reaction Attachment Disorder) was worth the entire 16 hours of sitting! Part of my reservation with adoption has been “what if my child turns out like all those horror stories I’ve heard?” I came away with so many nuggets to digest during this time, but also with true HOPE. Dr. Buenning explained what RAD is…and I realized I really hadn’t understand RAD from the perspective of the child…then he gave us hope…hope that RAD can be overcome..that LOVE coupled with other steps can help a child really attach to his new parents. I won’t go into the specifics of the disorder (those who’d like more information, I’d be happy to send it to you) but I’m not as worried or anxious as I had been.

It is true that knowledge brings peace..when we know what to expect, we have peace. I can’t predict that our daughter will not scream the entire plane home from Africa (and in fact, I hope that she will grieve her losses so soon!), I can’t say that we won’t have behavior issues when we get home…but I couldn’t and still can’t predict those things for my biological children as well.

So the conference gave me information…information that gives me peace. Because now I can better prepare myself for what to expect. I can research, I can expect and I can know that there is more than one perspective. So I’m trying to embrace change, not fear it. Our family will change and I am so excited to see what that change will look like.